Try try again

Navigating self-expression in a digital world.

I’ve never felt very good at expressing myself. I fumble and trip over words. I start an explanation and the conversation quickly turns before I get to the end of the thought. I can’t think of the right words in time to get my ideas across.

Perhaps this is a me problem. Or maybe I haven’t found the right listeners. Or maybe we’re all just moving a little too fast.

This quote came up on my feed and I think it does a decent job in expressing why I’m here:

I am joining substack in search of a way to express myself through words and images.

I started life as a creative person. I remember childhood being full of art, photography, and creating things for fun. Though I have a creative heart (yay Pisces! 🐟), I also have a neurotic and controlling temperament. I like things to be orderly, organized, and on-time. I come up with backup plans and all the “just in case” items. Sadly this makes me feel like I need to “earn” free time - check off enough items before allowing myself to relax, have fun, or pursue creativity. Over time, all creative endeavors fell away because they didn’t produce an income and were hard to qualify as productive. I know this is a trap, and I know that unleashing creativity makes us happier and all-around better at life, but knowing something doesn’t necessarily make it easy to do.

Recognizing my struggles, I am working on Benjamin Buttoning my way back to childhood. Pursue art, creativity, and the art of goofing off. Finding a bit more of myself again.

As the quote indicates above, I also struggle with the idea of sharing - why should I need to share my work? Am I looking for validation? Do I want people to say it’s good or recognize me in some way? Why not just do art and keep it to myself?

I’m not sure why I want to share my thoughts or my art. Perhaps it is to relate to others. Perhaps it is to inspire others and to continue inspiring myself. Or hold myself accountable? Maybe it is to feel better understood, even if only by a handful of strangers who have stumbled upon these words and images.

I can’t say just yet what the point of all of this is. And perhaps there is no point. But I am here. I want to create, slow down, and connect. I want to figure it out along the way. I want to worry less about being curated (see LanaKitcher.com) and unleash the wild, give zero fucks, skip through the mud and scratch up my knees tomboy version of me.

Perhaps this blog will be a mixture of mediums - a combination of words, photography, and art. Shitty art for sure.

Welcome. Maybe you’ll find something relatable here. Share your art, too. Let’s be in this world, wandering (wondering), together.

-Lana

Photos and watercolors by LK.

P.S. For now this blog is called “Words, Photography, Art” though that’s already the third iteration… I am considering a few alternate titles and may poll about those soon.